As of this writing, I have a daughter who is in her early teen years. At her junior high school, most of her friends and schoolmates have cellular phones with SMS ability. Like good parents should, we held off getting her a phone because it was not necessary. There's no situation in her life where a cell phone would be mission critical. It would be fashion-critical for elevating her "cool factor," but nothing more.
Recently, now that she is starting high school, we've relinquished her starvation diet and granted her a pay as you go cellular phone with an affordable SMS plan. At first, we made her pay for every little use of the phone, such as voice calls and SMS messages. I felt this would be a good lesson in resource usage for her. Being a kid, she has no external income, so her allowance was the only source of money for the phone.
When she got the phone, she immediately started to text her friends, and vice versa. She knew that her plan required her to pay for every message, but still she continued to SMS. In the first week she burned through the $25 that I granted to her with the phone and was ready to add another $20 from her reserves. Her mother, being a softy for her plight, gave her another $20 to help out with the cause. So that's about $65 in the first two weeks.
I sat down with her and explained the signs of addiction. The first phase is recognizing that you need to do something with no respect for any of your life responsibilities. In other words, you no longer have control over you actions.
Here is a good explanation of addiction [1]:
The World Health Organization has defined addiction as a pathological relationship with a mood-altering substance or experience that has life damaging consequences.
In her mind, she is compelled to communicate with her friends. Certainly typing a text message will not damage her physical or mental being. Rather, the "life damaging consequences" here is the excessive burn rate of money, a critical resource for survival in a society. It's important for our children to learn how to manage their money in an effective and secure way.
At this point she had no more money, about $1 on her phone balance, and was looking for ways to make more money around the house. When I asked her what she would do with her extra money, she said that it would go onto her phone. Interesting.
When people become addicted to substances or activity, it's the result of having a resource that can be easily converted into the subject of the addiction. Once that resource is extinguished, though, the addiction has already started to set in, and the victim begins to panic. They quickly start to find additional methods for replenishing that enabling resource.
I did start to see panic in her behavior when her phone balance was below $5. She was not violent or destructive, as some addicts eventually regress into, but rather she was "pushy" about getting her allowance (which I started to withhold "in the bank").
Then we started to notice her sending SMS messages after 10PM. That's a critical hour for us because that's when we're all retiring to sleep for the night. After 10PM, she's "alone" and away from her parental influences, and thus able to fulfill her compulsion to "text" her friends without risk of reprisal. This might be a form of shame and isolation that is common to addicts.
After a month she's burned through about $100. She's scoured the AT&T web site looking for a cheaper plan that allows her to do unlimited "texting," much like you'd expect of an addict looking for a cheaper way to get a fix. Her mother's also enrolled her into a monthy fixed payment plan with additional charges for over-use. It hasn't helped. By Friday, just before we pay her allowance, she's burned through her money and is adamant about getting her allowance.
So I have another hard talk with her about addiction, this time with her mother present. She vehemently denies that she's addicted to "texting" and gives me her kind look of indignation. Her defense is "there is no such thing as text addiction." To that, I have to explain that the SMS phenomenon is so new that, like alcohol and marijuana, nobody thought it would, or even could, be addictive at first. Now we know better about those substances, and we are starting to see that instant communication can also be addictive [2].
Let's recap addiction and how it relates to my situation:
(1) Denial - My daughter vehemently denied every being addicted to SMS. Every time I'd bring it up, she was defensive and quick to push back on me.
(2) Tolerance - There was never enough texting. She had to text at night and throughout the day, even when a free POTS phone was present.
(3) Withdrawal - Her mood was sour and sometimes intolerable when I held back her allowance and thus made it not possible to add more minutes for texting.
(4) Obsessions - I monitor my home network closely and saw her scouring the AT&T payment site for cheaper plans to enable her use of SMS.
(5) Compulsions - She told us that she would stop texting at night after 10PM, but I caught her doing it again, blaming it on her friends rather than herself.
(6) Isolation and shame - Not sure about this sign.
After my second lecture about addiction, she finally wisened up and curtailed her use. She also made it a point to use the free POTS phone to talk with her friends.
My unprofessional opinion about SMS addiction is that it is closely related to codependency. People who exhibit addictive behavior towards SMS or instant communication may likely have exhibited codependency addiction, or have even been treated for it.
References:
[1] http://www.abdsurvivalguide.com/News/031005.htm
[2] http://runningahospital.blogspot.com/ "Blackberry Cold Turkey"
Recently, now that she is starting high school, we've relinquished her starvation diet and granted her a pay as you go cellular phone with an affordable SMS plan. At first, we made her pay for every little use of the phone, such as voice calls and SMS messages. I felt this would be a good lesson in resource usage for her. Being a kid, she has no external income, so her allowance was the only source of money for the phone.
When she got the phone, she immediately started to text her friends, and vice versa. She knew that her plan required her to pay for every message, but still she continued to SMS. In the first week she burned through the $25 that I granted to her with the phone and was ready to add another $20 from her reserves. Her mother, being a softy for her plight, gave her another $20 to help out with the cause. So that's about $65 in the first two weeks.
I sat down with her and explained the signs of addiction. The first phase is recognizing that you need to do something with no respect for any of your life responsibilities. In other words, you no longer have control over you actions.
Here is a good explanation of addiction [1]:
The World Health Organization has defined addiction as a pathological relationship with a mood-altering substance or experience that has life damaging consequences.
In her mind, she is compelled to communicate with her friends. Certainly typing a text message will not damage her physical or mental being. Rather, the "life damaging consequences" here is the excessive burn rate of money, a critical resource for survival in a society. It's important for our children to learn how to manage their money in an effective and secure way.
At this point she had no more money, about $1 on her phone balance, and was looking for ways to make more money around the house. When I asked her what she would do with her extra money, she said that it would go onto her phone. Interesting.
When people become addicted to substances or activity, it's the result of having a resource that can be easily converted into the subject of the addiction. Once that resource is extinguished, though, the addiction has already started to set in, and the victim begins to panic. They quickly start to find additional methods for replenishing that enabling resource.
I did start to see panic in her behavior when her phone balance was below $5. She was not violent or destructive, as some addicts eventually regress into, but rather she was "pushy" about getting her allowance (which I started to withhold "in the bank").
Then we started to notice her sending SMS messages after 10PM. That's a critical hour for us because that's when we're all retiring to sleep for the night. After 10PM, she's "alone" and away from her parental influences, and thus able to fulfill her compulsion to "text" her friends without risk of reprisal. This might be a form of shame and isolation that is common to addicts.
After a month she's burned through about $100. She's scoured the AT&T web site looking for a cheaper plan that allows her to do unlimited "texting," much like you'd expect of an addict looking for a cheaper way to get a fix. Her mother's also enrolled her into a monthy fixed payment plan with additional charges for over-use. It hasn't helped. By Friday, just before we pay her allowance, she's burned through her money and is adamant about getting her allowance.
So I have another hard talk with her about addiction, this time with her mother present. She vehemently denies that she's addicted to "texting" and gives me her kind look of indignation. Her defense is "there is no such thing as text addiction." To that, I have to explain that the SMS phenomenon is so new that, like alcohol and marijuana, nobody thought it would, or even could, be addictive at first. Now we know better about those substances, and we are starting to see that instant communication can also be addictive [2].
Let's recap addiction and how it relates to my situation:
(1) Denial - My daughter vehemently denied every being addicted to SMS. Every time I'd bring it up, she was defensive and quick to push back on me.
(2) Tolerance - There was never enough texting. She had to text at night and throughout the day, even when a free POTS phone was present.
(3) Withdrawal - Her mood was sour and sometimes intolerable when I held back her allowance and thus made it not possible to add more minutes for texting.
(4) Obsessions - I monitor my home network closely and saw her scouring the AT&T payment site for cheaper plans to enable her use of SMS.
(5) Compulsions - She told us that she would stop texting at night after 10PM, but I caught her doing it again, blaming it on her friends rather than herself.
(6) Isolation and shame - Not sure about this sign.
After my second lecture about addiction, she finally wisened up and curtailed her use. She also made it a point to use the free POTS phone to talk with her friends.
My unprofessional opinion about SMS addiction is that it is closely related to codependency. People who exhibit addictive behavior towards SMS or instant communication may likely have exhibited codependency addiction, or have even been treated for it.
References:
[1] http://www.abdsurvivalguide.com/News/031005.htm
[2] http://runningahospital.blogspot.com/ "Blackberry Cold Turkey"